2022-10-27
This blog for some time was something available on the internet for people to find, but I did not advertise it.
This is because of my fear of judgement and rejection. But that I overcame, with little mental pushing.
My main fear has been the consequences of it. Of talking about the people I interact with daily and how they may have problems with what I write about them, of my family reading this and the massive negative consequences when my father and grandparents find out how I have female friends, how I don’t believe in Islam, among other things. My mom is not an issue thought, she allows me the space to be myself.
My friend, one I have mentioned in some of my book notes got sad regarding the context in which I wrote about her. That was the anchor to me fear. We have since sorted it out because the equation we share is fucking magical. And I have since realized that I can change names to maintain privacy. I have blocked all family members on Instagram - the only place I promoted this blog on.
I have not yet promoted this blog on youtube or released the now 14 Hamza Unfiltered type videos I have in my phone because of backlash from my parents. I will post these as soon as I am in NZ. Then, impact radius will have been minimized.
I have also realized that I hesitate to write as authentically as I did because I imagine an audience, not future me reading this. That is something I have decided to take on as a challenge, as a mental exercise. Imagining my younger/future self on the other side will help me with Youtube as well.