2022-09-26
Choose the right partner in the first place
Love comprises Liking and Lust. Liking comprises fair, kind and loyal.
Liking declines at 3% a year and lust declines at 8% a year. Lust declines so don’t focus on it
Idea: you have 3 wishes after which you mathematically don’t find a person lke that who exists. But fuck that, self improvement high value male’s sampling bias is the top 1% pussy.
Studies suggest partners have similar attractiveness and education level - raise both to find a better mate
Children at wealthy homes can be stressed due to pressure to achieve and isolation from parents - initate good habits from the beginning such achieving becomes easy and full time father.
The more you earn, the lower the divorce rate
Appreciate, don’t tolerate. Go to the movies because it makes her happy, and be happy with that
Do not let resentment build - talk about what you’re feeling with your partner.
Also, secure attachment style
Marriage or kids do not change people. Remember that. What you see is what you get
See personality - you want high in openness, low in neuroticism, high conscientiousness, high agreeableness. Pay attention to friends scores, they have proven to be more accurate than lovers’.
High openness and low conscientiousness will fuck you. so will high neuroticism. High agreeableness people fuck better.
In-laws matter.
anxious feel more, avoidant feel less - both positive and negative. Avoidants divorce more.
One can be secure despite shitty childhood. Avoidants: don’t run and anxious: don’t panic.
Atleast 5 positive interactions to one negative interaction.
You want a partner who does not always attribute behavior to you.
Avoid demanding withdrawing pattern. When you are asking for something or being asked for something, there should not be blame or pressure attached. Giving in to such demands will cause an addiction by the random positive reinforcement mechanism.
Capitalization: meet your partners enthusiasm when sharing good news. Do not be passive. Be active and constructive.
Optimize for your ultimate goal. ex. less novelty seeking - no band guys, no sleeping on first date.
For you: go bald and stop wearing flashy clothes. Don’t arrange dates at night.
To be continued.