2022-10-19
Welcome back to ilyaas at the shitter.
So I want to date this girl. I’ve liked her on and off for a long time now.
I don’t like her right now, but mainly because I don’t allow myself to. I can easily. Either, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m used to the feeling, or it has faded.
Let me rephrase. I like her. I am not infatuated with her. Everything is not rosy because I like her. I like her in the most “She’d be a good partner” typa way. I have been infatuated with her, but that ended soon after I asked her out and she said no.
She is my one-itis. I have asked her out and she has declined. We’ve maintained our friendship. We’re really close friends.
I still want to date her. I’d be happy to do so due to the emotional connection we have, due to our conversations - the amount of unfiltered the both of us get. Also, she pretty.
Now let me be clear, I am well aware of her flaws. And the possible frictions that would arise when we date. I do put her on a pedestal. They’re something she’s working on. In addition, we’ll work on them when we’re dating.
And it’s not that I obsess over her 24/7. I am open to dating others, as long as they meet my (extremely) high standards, as long as there is potential for a long-term relationship; To put it bluntly, if she has the potential to be the mother of my children. I have insane ambitions and little time to waste.
Now, she has declined in the past. She was also not single. She is now. She knows that I look forward to dating her and that dating her is now part of my ambition.
For some time I thought she was quite masculine, especially because of her work and competence.
For those who are unaware
A masculine person is one who focuses on their work, their mission, and search for freedom, above all else. A feminine person is one who values love and feeling it above all else. This is according to The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida
But I’ve seen her with her ex. Let’s just say, she can be VERY feminine, and that is incredibly attractive.
Here is my predicament: There are some standards she does not meet. There are some things I’m iffy about. I still want to date her. I wouldn’t want to date her if I’d met her recently. So do I truly like her for her? or because she rejected me and there is ambition there, merely a “trophy’?
No, I think I know.
As I typed this I realized that I AM open to dating others. I’d be open to dating her as well. It’s just the then depth of the emotional connection would be difficult to develop in a short time. But I think the emotional connection makes up for it. They’re things we can openly talk about. The both of us can discuss my concerns before committing long-term.
I’ll make sure of it. I know myself. I am not very worried about making the wrong decision here. I journal way too much to do so. Both of us speak the raw truth way too much.
And the worst-case scenario is that I date her, and realize that there isn’t long-term potential there. Or I get to NZ and realize that there are others that I’d like to date instead.
It’s 1stman’s male advantage in my head as well. As I level up, I will have access to better and better women. So a rational man would eventually have to call it quits because of the quality of women available after a year or 2 or further self-improvement.
I know the both of us will speak about it and come to a conclusion before we commit.
Oh also, in case you’re reading this:
Good evening m’lady
Good day to you (the reader) as well bro.
Now, I just have to become man enough to incite her femininity. To be a viable sexual partner. It is all on me. That drives me. It really does.
Fuck, I did not intend on writing this when I sat on the shitter, but here we are. I hope you’re having a lovely time.
flying kisses