2024-02-14
14th Feb:
It is interesting how a colleague asked me if I asked out this girl at work I asked out 2 weeks or so ago.
Then it hit me that it must have been a topic of the workplace gossip, something I am so out of touch with, due to the nature of being me - I don't positively enforce gossip very much - which means gossiping with me boring, if not downright punishing, and therefore I do not receive much gossip.
I digress. That made me go oh'. I was and am so used to the extreme privacy, almost secrecy that came with Roof and the surrounding depth and vulnerability.
part of me wants to re-introduce her into my life just to remind myself of the end goal, because she is so inextricably linked to it. To remind myself of what can be, and to not distract myself with possible short-run flings.
That stems from loneliness. Not exactly. Loneliness of thought. I cannot find people here that look at reality the same way. That are so committed to growth. I feel lonely in my perspective of the world. This maybe what Chris Williamson felt in the UK. This was not the case in Mumbai, which I slowly realise has its pros, which mostly stem from people and the fact that I did not have to work to sustain myself there, and the abundance of time that brought.
I am getting bored at work. There is a senior sales position available that I will apply for this weekend. If I don't get that I will probably be quiet bored, and again empty.
Today someone from the head office came from head office to buy some stuff. They were earning $33.125 hourly at a 40 hour rate, meaning in hand must have been around 2200 per week, which is not much. Tourism does not seem to be the niche that is where I will make money.
I have also applied for an IT position and it will be a miracle if I get selected for that - I am severely underqualified.
Maybe I will have to do the hamza thing of going back home to start my own business. I think I know what I'd do - automate operations for tourism businesses. But labour is cheap in India, which why I want to start this in India. I need to outsource food to make space for coding. For that I need money. So promotion is solution.
New chick has come at work who is competing in terms of sales. Good for skill. Bad for peace at work :)
I realise MTB may be a result of my intellect - it is high speed problem solving. Always novel stimulus, rarely bored. Plus athletic element to it. This is the case with MMA as well, may try that once the fracture gets sort.
Which reminds me, I am so used to the cast; I almost arranged a lake swim date, forgetting my 'broken' hand.
But I have realised that if I make MTB extrinsically motivated, it does not work. The reason I started riding fades. I need to build my wealth elsewhere it seems.
sam ovens idea exists as well - make websites for local business - learn to code and UI UX to increase conversion rates.
Fucking jobs are scam. So much tax, so little money back. But I need to go above and beyond to get a raise.
University is most likely a scam as well. Like school is. Only value is people you meet.
learning can be done so much more efficiently.
this is what stops me from going to USA for uni - so much money, fir will I be able to start a business or stuck to a job for a decade and only then receive my green card, if that.
Maybe I should just apply and go only if I receive a full ride or something like that.
Lots of options. Much tired. Much to ponder.
Ilyaas has 2 modes:
1. intellectual
2. robot
hope to make this a weekly thing. Much more convenient and consolidated than videos.